In celebration of Baby Girl’s first Birthday, Amie asked me to write a guest post. I decided to list the twelve things I would tell myself if I could travel back in time to exactly one year ago today, 3 days before my beautiful partner gave birth to my equally beautiful daughter.
So here they are:
1. As soon as she goes into labour, don’t bother using your hands to apply pressure to the accupressure points on her back. Get the wooden spoons out from the start – your thumbs will thank you for it and so will Amie.
2. Don’t worry about the lack of sleep; you’ll get used to it. Sure, it might make you accidentally put salt in your tea or a bit forgetful, but your body will acclimatise. (Plus, it’s too late to worry about that now, fool!)
3. You think her umbilical cord is gross when she’s first born? Wait until she’s 2 weeks old and it looks like some sort of mutant pepperami.
4. You will somehow – rather miraculously – make it through the first year without any bodily fluids on your person. (N.B. This does not include snot, that, sadly, is a disgusting inevitability.)
5. Whilst we’re on the subject, you will find yourself at times wrestling and pleading with a fidgety little person saying, “just hold still while I get the crusty bits from around your nose”… With your bare hands. It’s okay. It’s no worse than picking your own nose (not that you do that, of course.)
6. Don’t keep score. Don’t get petty about who stayed up latest and who got an extra lie-in. You owe her an eternity of lazy mornings for putting up with pregnancy and birth.
7. Sleep deprivation isn’t as ba – wait, have I done that one already? I forget. I’m so tired.
8. Enjoy pre-weaning poos, buddy. Though they may come in all variety of greens and oranges, they are so much less offensive than post-weaning poo. So much.
9. Great news: Amie will discover a new-found patience that only mothers can…
10. Bad news: that new-found patience does not extend to you. Watch yourself!
11. This one’s hard. Don’t obsess over the small things. You will mess up. You will bump her head on the ceiling, cut the end of her finger instead of her nail, forget to put her little mittens on and it will make you discover a new depth of self-loathing; but babies are hardier than you think; she’ll be okay… She may never be a hand model, but that’s okay.
12. Enjoy your first 2 hours with your newborn daughter (while mum’s in the operating theatre), she’ll be 12 months old before you know it. Those first moments are very precious.
Finally, I’d tell year-ago-me that his life is about to change forever; but we don’t regret it. Not even for a moment.